A Crappy Week...Or Maybe a NOT-SO-CRAPPY Week....

Without going into too many details, Ella has been really struggling with constipation lately....like for a few weeks, possibly months.  It's awful because I know that it hurts when she goes to the bathroom.  But another part of me wonders, how much of this is for dramatic show?  (Ella, I love you honey, but you occasionally have a flare for being...how can I say this kindly...overdramatic.)  Sometimes she sits on the toilet and quietly cries, other times it's loud, ear-piercing screams.  It's those are the times that I wonder, "Is she seeking attention? Why? What ways can I help that are not feeding into this?"  It's been a lot of questioning on my end with not a lot of answers.  We've gone to the doctor and been reassured that this is extremely common for young children and been given bits of advice.  The advice works short-term, but then the next week, we'd have similar problems.

This week, I reached a breaking point.  Nick worked every night and Ella began really struggling all this week.  She and I have had SUCH a BAD week!  At every opportunity, it seemed like I was disciplining her for what I saw as behavior problems, like lying or purposely avoiding the bathroom.  I was just soooo mad.  Why was she acting this way?  Wasn't I giving her enough attention?  Where am I failing as a mother (because let me tell you at this point, that much was clear-- I.was.failing.)?

Last night, we had more problems than ever.  At one point, Ella was just sobbing, "Mommy, I'm so sorry!  I'm so so sorry!  I didn't mean to!"  It was heartbreaking.  I wasn't yelling at her or disciplining her in any way, but she thought that I would.  I felt terrible.  It became crystal clear that we would need to visit the pediatrician in the morning.

**Let me stop here and say how much I love Dr. Hanson!  Seriously.  LOVE**

I felt like all week, I had these pieces to a puzzle that didn't seem to fit.  Why is Ella literally lying around all the time?  Why isn't she ever sitting at the kitchen table?  Why is having a panic attack when I make her sit or stand instead of lying down?  Why isn't Ella eating?  How come when it seems like she needs to go to the bathroom, she runs to her bedroom?  Why does she repeatedly keep saying, "I have to go to the bathroom.  I forgot, no I don't"?  None of it made any sense to me.  After an exam, Dr. Hanson outlined for me an exact course of action that will last several weeks.  She told me what to look for and how to notice red flags in the future.  

Today I spent a lot of time cuddling with Ella.  I told her how sorry I was.  I said that I didn't know before and I thought she was purposely acting up.  Ella told me it's okay and that she forgives me.  So why am I having such a hard time letting it go?  Already Dr. Hanson's plan is working & Ella seems to be feeling better and our relationship has been restored back to its balance.  I am beyond relieved.  I love you sweet girl. <3